THE Victorian government has made one part of parenting just that little bit harder by releasing a list of names deemed too offensive (“Satan”, anyone?) or simply too similar to official titles “King” or “Lady” or “Admiral” are on the naughty list to be used as names by normal people.
Kidspot has published the full list of names. Here they are …
Admiral
Anzac
Australia
Baron
Bishop
Brigadier
Brother
Cadet
Captain
Chief
Christ
Commodore
Constable
Corporal
Dame
Duke
Emperor
Father
General
God
Honour
Judge
Justice
King
Lady
Lieutenant
Lord
Madam
Majesty
Major
Messiah
Minister
Mister
Officer
Premier
President
Prime Minister
Prince
Princess
Queen
Saint
Satan
Seaman
Sergeant
Sir
Sister
Now they are bloody awful names, but should they be illegal?
Here’s the thing. I’m not going to pretend calling your kid “Lieutenant” or “Officer” would be a smart thing to do. But if a parent really wants to, does the government really have a right to stop them?
Is there a genuine concern that if a newborn baby is burdened with the name “Prime Minister” he’s suddenly going to be asked to make keynote addresses at APEC or address parliament about the finer details of the backpacker tax controversy and is likely to come up short?
A number of the names that make the list seem particularly paranoid. I have a friend with a son called Duke. I must let her know that she’ll almost certainly be forced to fill in a lot of tedious forms if the family ever travels to Victoria.
I also know a handful of kids called “Justice”. Presumably they make the list because the government doesn’t want there to be any mix-ups with judges. The ones I know are in Year 5. The only justice they’re responsible for is enforcing complex handball rules.
Victoria isn’t the only state with a bee in their bonnet about baby names. The NSW government has also previously nixed “Jesus Christ”, “Ned Kelly” (which seems particularly miserly as both those are actually, you know, names), “Chief Maximus” and “Post Master General”, according to Kidspot baby names connoisseur, Sabrina Rogers-Anderson.
The Swedish government regretted to inform the parents of Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced “Albin”!) that they’d have to come up with something else and Denmark drew the line at “Anus”.
In happier news for parents who want to burden their child with an idiotic name, the NSW government turned a blind eye to “God Bless”, “Metallica” and “Fully Hektik Sik”.
If I have another child, the temptation will be strong to throw curveball names at the NSW government til something sticks, just so I can have the fun of seeing them make the banned list next year. I’m going to start with “Donald Trump” and go from there.